Life as a young, fat woman

While I’ve been applying and interviewing for jobs my weight has weighed (ha!) heavily (double ha!) on my mind. This week I have an interview for a receptionist position at a medical office. I do have a certificate as a medical administrative assistant so I am qualified for the position. My main fear is that I will be turned away because of my weight. A receptionist is the first person a client sees when they enter an office. Medical offices are suppose to present healthiness and happiness and while I am completely healthy some people may not believe so because of my weight. Currently, my plan is to address the elephant in the room right away and tell the interviewer that I’m into healthy living and exercise and have recently lost weight. I like to swim and walk. I’ve also been eating mostly veggies, fruits, meats, some diary, whole grains and drinking water. I have no medical issues and I am relatively healthy.

My life as a young, fat woman has to do with much more than just worrying whether I can land a job or not. It seems like fat-shaming, discriminating, and being down right nasty to overweight people is still considered appropriate in our world. Small comments about what a fat woman should or should not wear is shameful and only brings out your own securities. Lately, the media has tried to do many ‘love your own skin’ type of campaigns. They fall completely flat because they still use beautiful women to sell such a thought. The media loves to pressure women into thinking they need to be thin, but then turn around and say they are fine the way they are (as long as they buy their product.)

I know what it’s like to want to feel thin, trust me. At the age of 22, I’m finally coming to a point where I’m comfortable with my self 75% of the time. I still feel the urge to lose weight, be thinner, be sexier, be cooler, etc. I definitely feel that when my doctor, friend, family, whoever looks at me and tells me “Oh sweetie, you are far too young to be obese.” You’re right… because if I was 30+ and obese and I was looking for a job I’d be fucked. You think nothing is worse than being fat, well I can tell you what’s worse… disordered eating. I’ve been there. I’ve eaten nothing and then drank a bottle of laxatives to make weight. I’ve eaten only one pack of tuna a day to stay at a certain weight. I’ve had a seizure and have passed out because I had a moment of hypoglycemia because I was restricting my food. Are these things, all things that happened while I strived to be or stay thin, better than being fat? No, no they aren’t. If anything, they are worse because of the amount of self hatred I had for myself to do these things.

I shouldn’t feel like I won’t get a job that I’m qualified for because I’m fat. I shouldn’t have to worry about that. I shouldn’t have to feel I have to be overly nice to people when I’m in public because if I have a shred of attitude because of my bad day people will think I’m just a fat bitch. I shouldn’t have to feel like I need to discuss my weight to prove I’m not a lazy piece of shit. I shouldn’t have to look at the amount of ‘love your body’ ads posted across facebook by the very people to fat-shame and food police. I shouldn’t have to hear someone tell me my pants are too small, because no they are just fine thank you. I shouldn’t be the target of your hatefulness and ignorance because you’re unhappy about yourself. Just because you are uncomfortable with MY body or the way I feel about my body, doesn’t mean you can discriminate or tell me your feelings because I don’t care about your faux concerns. I’m happy with the way I am, whether I’m fat or thin. If I’m happy you should be happy for me.

So… this is real life

Hello,

My name is Emily. I’m sure most of you that have found yourselves here know that. After being told for months to make a blog, I finally did. Most of you know life has been pretty interesting for me the last couple months. In July, I gave testimony (@1:17:30) in front of lawmakers and the public about the anti-abortion bill that was recently proposed to the state of NC. I wrote a couple blog posts about why I decided to share my story. Shortly after, I moved with my family to the state of Florida since my husband was medically discharged from the military.

In the month that we’ve lived here, I’ve been hunting for a job. Sadly, there are no programs helping veteran’s spouses find employment after spending years raising children while their spouse was away at war. I was able to get an unpaid internship with my local Democratic Party, which is great since I love to do political work, but it doesn’t pay the bills. So far I’ve had two job interviews with paying companies. My first was with America’s favorite healthy burrito making company. I thought it would be a great idea to bring a felt burrito filled with reasons why I’d be a great fit for them. Sadly, that was a bust and I was not selected for employment. My next interview, which was today, was for a wholesale company. We had a short interview and I was told I’d get a call back if they were interested since these were initial interviews. Tomorrow I have an interview with America’s favorite coffee shop. I’m hoping it will go well. As this is my third interview, and the third one that isn’t in my field of work or schooling, I’m low on feel good feelings. I always manage to put my happy face on and shine, so tomorrow will be no different. I do hope the third time is the charm.

Thanks to military spouse scholarships and programs like MyCAA, I was able to obtain my AA and get a certificate for Medical Administrative Assistant for free. It doesn’t seem like either of these have helped me obtain a job though since I’ve gotten rejection emails from retail stores and restaurants. I’ve yet to hear a word back from the local hospital on about a job as well. All of this aside, I know eventually the right job will come to me and my family will be secure.

Now let me get to what this blog will be about. It will be about everything. It will be a social justice mommy blog slash life blog slash feels blog slash whatever the heck I want. I hope you continue reading in the future and you enjoy what I have to say.